we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
Randomize
