Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
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