I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
Randomize
