Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
Randomize
