So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
