The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
Randomize
