john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
Randomize
