he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
