kristin has been a bad kristin
bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
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