I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
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