i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
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