why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
Randomize
