watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
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