Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
