Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
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