She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
Randomize
