Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
FUCK WHALES
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
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