I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
Randomize
