This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
I still have a little drunk in my system
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
Randomize
