I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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