Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
Randomize
