How'd it feel making her break her religion?
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
