this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
Randomize
