Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
Randomize
