well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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