Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
Randomize
