addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
Randomize
