So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
Randomize
