??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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