I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
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