the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
Never let your siblings swipe right.
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
I enjoy the company of your penis
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
Randomize