I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
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