Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
Randomize