mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
