1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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