Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
Randomize
