I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
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