I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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