Question for you. Are boobs and hands polarly charged, thus causing the inevitable joining of the two. If so are some breasts simply charged backwards
There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
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