I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
