Just mADE A PArabola og urine
i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
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