Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
