you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize