you turned your livingroom into a bong?
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
