I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
I can't put those talents on a resume
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Randomize
