Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
