It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
