Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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