haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
Randomize
