the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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