one word: firstdatebathroomanal
Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize
