I think my fart just growled at me.
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize
