oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
Randomize
