He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
Randomize
