Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
Randomize
