do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
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