it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
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