if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
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