New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
Randomize
