know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
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