It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
Randomize
