My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
Randomize
