mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
Randomize
