Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
BROstal carolina. Watching a boy drinking rum and coke out of a cup of noodle empty cup.
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
Green mimosas i think yes
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
