Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
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