Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
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